A strong marriage doesn’t happen by chance, it happens by design
Marriage is hard. If you’ve been in it long enough, you know this to be true. And yet, one of the biggest misconceptions we buy into is that love alone is enough to make it work. The truth? Love is just the beginning. A strong marriage requires intentionality, effort, and a whole lot of grace—especially when you’re juggling kids, jobs, laundry piles, and never-ending to-do lists. The good news? It’s not too late to turn things around if you haven’t been doing so hot. You can drastically improve and strengthen your marriage when you design your marriage with purpose and then you follow that blueprint.
My husband and I bought a foreclosed house as our first ever home. We used to joke and compare that house to our early years in marriage. When we first bought it, it had been neglected for a long time. It was dirty, infested with mice, and it needed a lot of repairs and updates. Slowly over time, we transformed that old house into something beautiful. The result? We enjoyed the home much more than we did in the beginning, and it functioned much better too. Fortunately, as we grew together and learned how to be intentional as a couple, our marriage was transformed right along with the house.
Marriage is a lot like a house. If left unattended, even the strongest foundation can crack, and the walls will start to crumble. Neglect leads to leaks, broken windows, uneven floors, and doors that barely close. But with care, maintenance, and intentional renovations, that same house can be restored—stronger and more beautiful than ever.
💔 surviving versus thriving ❤️
If you and your spouse have gotten to the point where you feel more like roommates juggling responsibilities than the couple who once said, “I do,” you’re not alone! Without purposefully prioritizing your relationship, life quickly becomes more about surviving than thriving. But the good news? Small, intentional actions can help strengthen your marriage—even in the busiest seasons. You can enjoy your spouse again and have a marriage that actually works.
Here are eight practical ways to reconnect and build a stronger marriage, even when life feels chaotic.
1. Get Your Expectations Right
It’s easy to set unrealistic expectations for your spouse—especially ones you haven’t even communicated! Early in my marriage, I expected my husband to just “know” what I needed, and when he didn’t, frustration set in.
The reality? Your spouse is not a mind-reader. There are needs they should meet, but some expectations might be unfair or beyond their ability.
Make It Happen: Sit down and write out the expectations you have for each other. Then, discuss what’s realistic and adjust as needed. Tape them somewhere visible as a reminder to stay accountable.
2. Define Your Roles and Responsibilities
Marriage gets messy when there’s no clarity on who does what. When responsibilities are unspoken, they often go unmet—or worse, they lead to resentment.
Make It Happen: List every role and responsibility you each carry. Then, identify gaps and discuss who is best suited for each based on strengths, schedules, and capacity. Balance isn’t about a perfect 50/50 split—it’s about teamwork.
3. Stay United—It’s You Two Against the Problem
It’s easy to fall into a me vs. you mentality when conflicts arise, but the healthiest marriages approach problems as a team. Whether it’s finances, parenting, or extended family, you’re in this together.
Make It Happen: When disagreements arise, use “we” language instead of “you” or “I.” Work through common conflict areas before they escalate. And if an immediate decision is needed, default to the most conservative approach until you can fully agree.
4. Speak Their Love Language—Not Yours
It’s tempting to love your spouse the way you want to be loved, but what if it’s not what they need? I’m an Acts of Service kind of girl, while my husband thrives on Quality Time. If I only “serve” him without actually spending time with him, he won’t feel loved in the way that matters most to him.
Make It Happen: Strengthen your marriage by taking the Love Languages quiz together (it’s free online!). Then, commit to one intentional act per day that speaks to their love language. Even small gestures—like a quick hug or a sticky note—can make a huge difference.
5. Gratitude Can Shift Everything
It’s easy to focus on what’s not getting done, but that mindset breeds resentment. Instead, look for the good. A simple “thank you” can go a long way.
Make It Happen: Every day, express one specific thing you appreciate about your spouse. Remember what made you fall in love to begin with! Over time, this small shift can transform the tone of your relationship.
6. Micro-Dates: Quality Time for Busy Couples
Forget fancy dinners—connection happens in small moments. If weekly date nights aren’t realistic, micro-dates can keep you connected. Put the kids to bed, and be intentional with your spouse. You can eat candlelit dinners just as well from home as you can in a restaurant and probably save a few dollars too!
Make It Happen: Schedule a 20-minute coffee date at home, a walk after dinner, or a quick drive together. Prioritize intentional time, no matter how small.
7. Schedule Marriage Maintenance Meetings
Good communication prevents small problems from becoming big ones. If you want to strengthen your marriage, good, honest maintenance discussions are a must. Set a time each week to check in on marriage, parenting, finances, and schedules. Be honest and talk about what’s working and what’s not—this is the time to make any necessary tweaks!
Make It Happen: Have a weekly “marriage check-in” where you discuss concerns, needs, and upcoming plans. Keep it structured but relaxed—chips and salsa make everything better!
8. Pray Together, Even When It Feels Awkward
Marriage isn’t just about two people—it’s about three. Inviting God into your relationship strengthens your bond like nothing else can. Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us: “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” God designed marriage so you can trust Him to help you keep it strong.
Make It Happen: Start simple—hold hands and pray before bed. The more you do it, the more natural it will feel.
Final Thoughts: strengthen your marriage through Small Steps and make a Big Impact
Marriage will always have challenges, but those challenges don’t have to break you. When you choose intentionality, you build a marriage that’s resilient, loving, and deeply connected—even in the chaos.
Which one of these are you going to try this week to help improve and strengthen your marriage? Drop it in the comments—I’d love to hear!
Leave a Reply